And do you have a penchant for making highly risky, unsecured online purchases from an extremely sketchy online retailer that uses excessive emoticons in a business setting?

Well, today is your lucky day!

You can now purchase “cereal marshmallows” online!  My initial impression was that this “retailer” was just an old man in his back yard picking the marshmallows out of bag upon bag of bulk off-brand Lucky Charms by hand, BUT it turns out it’s a middle-aged man who bought 10,000 lbs of marshmallows and is making a piss-poor attempt at selling them! Whew! If that didn’t hook you, here’s an incoherent rambling of a sales pitch from the site:

Cerealmarshmallows really makes the most Unique Gift Box you could ever give someone. Imagine getting a assortment of Unique High Class Lemon, Lime, Strawberry and peppermint soft Puff Mints and Hot Chocolate, some relaxing Hot tea for before bedtime with a few Huge bags of cereal marshmallows WOW you just made the biggest impression possible. Where do you even Buy something that unique???? Right Here at Cereal marshmallows.com and Its Cheaper than Most Any Big Brand Mail order Products our Gift Box is only $29.99 or add it to any order for only $24.99 plus shipping.

WOW! Sounds great, but I have a few questions. Such as, “Just exactly how much mold is covering these cereal marshmallows?” Well, you have to contact “User772197@aol.com” to find out!  I’m kind of shocked a person who is capable of setting up their own domain is incapable of registering a free e-mail address that is somewhat related to the business they are trying to start, or even really just ANYTHING less anonymous and mind-blowing.  Anyway, check out our boy Nathan adding some of his cereal marshmallows to Lucky Charms:

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