Colon Blow (It'sugar)
It’s finally here! The review you’ve all been waiting so patiently for.
Yes, the Colon Blow of Saturday Night Live fame. If you’ve never seen the fake commercial for Colon Blow featuring Phil Hartman being, eh, propelled by a pyramid of intensely high-fiber cereal boxes, do a couple of things for me: one, get off of my website, and two, watch the clip. In fact, why not watch the clip anyway. It’s one of the best!
This cereal is produced by It’sugar. They’ve also made some other products based on Saturday Night Live segments, most of which unfortunately must be from sketches that aired long after I stopped watching. But you can buy “Consume Mass Quantity” chocolate bars and Balz-Off mints from them. So they’re all right!
But anyway! We’re here to talk about Colon Blow.
Now as a product it’s obviously great, but how about as a cereal?
Since it’s all all-granola, there’s no flakes or anything to really get it crunchy or crispy. It’s a little on the softer end of the spectrum, and oddly the cranberries have somehow become hard and snappy. A total cerealic reversal!
The taste is unusual. It has an oaty granola taste, and the chocolate and cranberries are a very nice addition, though something about it tastes genuinely sawdust-y. I thought maybe it had just been sitting on a warehouse shelf too long before being shipped, but I’m still within the “best by” date sticker on the side of the box. I’m not entirely sure it’s intentional, but it is appropriate! Also, I think maybe the sweetness of the chocolate makes the blandness of the granola stand out in that way. Maybe. Keeping the theme in mind, it actually makes it kind of fun.
Taste aside, and despite the photo on the box, it’s not an actual bowl full of sawdust, of course, but it’s nothing too exciting to look at—a fairly standard-looking granola-based cereal with “stuff” in it. Exciting or not, it does make me want to eat it.
As for the advertised effects of the cereal, I’m not sure that’s within the scope of a cereal review website. I will say there were no abdominal distention side-effects when I ate it, and that the actual nutritional content doesn’t quite add up to 30,000 times the amount of fiber as regular oat bran cereals. But maybe they can crank it up if they ever come out with Super Colon Blow.
The packaging is really what this cereal’s about, and it’s packed with SNL references and just some genuinely funny stuff, like a snack treat recipe with colon blow, prune juice, wheat germ, and bran as ingredients, and a warning not to actually eat it.
Like It’sugar’s other outing, Marshmallow Madness, it’s a fun idea to try once. Obviously nothing you’d add to your grocery list, but to have a box of Colon Blow sitting on your shelf, that’s the real thrill! And for that alone, I’d recommend it!
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